ROFL.

Sometimes, I just wna sit and laugh at people's life, how ridiculous they seemed and that they yet seem to be so proud of it. Yes yes, life's all about the good stuff, whatever happened to yourrrr bad side? Wooo hoo, good deal it's hidden. Doubting your downfall doesn't seem to make you stronger, so when will you ever learn? My life had never been like that little Miss Perfectionist, 'cause I'm not. I strive for balance in mine. Learning from my past and mistakes are a pain, but who don't pick themselves up whenever they fall? Well, for some people still do strive for perfection which I totally reckon, futile. Stop building pretty little sandcastles in the air and get back down to reality, please. LOL. I better shut up now, the whole contradiction thing, it's scary somehow.

I'm tired and someone didn't try hard enough to make it better for me! Said, bye bye bye bye and hung up. He says he doesn't wna disturb me further. Well.. The least you could do was to TALK TO ME when you wanted me call. I'm already so fucking boredddd with my projects. And stop asking me to miss you! 'Cause I won't tonight! NEVERMIND. I digress :)

With such utter disgust,
Jolene.

past frustrations.

2 weeks to 7th, cross my fingers.
sigh, so much shit had happened and i'm so worn out by it.
projects, work and all my love-hate relationships.
i. just. want. to. break. free.
so won't you let me?
i could barely open my eyes today, closing like every damn minute.
i'm that fatigue.
i'm in such a bad state, i literally look like a panda.
my mind is soooooo so so so cluttered by what's all around me.
nothing could be so perfect.
i couldn't ask for more, it's beyond the expectation.
ohh, what have i done.
what am i suppose to do with you.
every little god damn frustration.
maybe dropping off everyone was probably the only solution to keep myself sane.
it has only been 4 months, yet everything, every single thing had changed.

silly, you reminded me how was it like to have someone for company again.
you reminded how was it like to feel so young again? ha.
how mutt or beng you could be, it's seriously stupid.
made me angry when you acted like a baby.
made the days seemed shorter, and the night seemed longer.
relieved my days in school.
relieved all my band memories, honestly speaking i missed my band friends and making music with them.
taught me stuff i didn't know.
told me about your past,
and what you wna be in future.
i can't be anymore proud of you.
how hardworking you'd strived to be.
i seriously don't know what am i to do with you.
this is so different.
it was something special i hope.
but.
i don't know what i want and i don't know how i should go about this.
if only. if. if. ifs. ifs. ifs. ifs..
when i question myself, my heart replies only,
"i don't know...."
why.

i don't know.
i don't know, what's holding me back.

sunday afternoon, i saw his face in the most unlikeliest places.
he saw me, he saw me first. waved. and smiled politely right back at me.
he was with someone else, someone, not me anymore.
my heart sank, it left me in a lurch.
went somewhere far away, vented my anger, and vented my emotions.
i acted like i was fine, but i wasn't ok.
in the end, i decided i can't turn back, i won't let you see me.

no matter how far or near you are, where ever you'd be, and how have you been, i've nv ever stopped thinking of you.
even so, i've let you go..
it had always been a part of me.
ironies, how silly of me.
i still miss you.
and i do know, yes. i can never be a part of you anymore.


"i really don't know, how should everything be..?"

sigh. sm submission's later. and the next friday, the final project submission.
and i should really be thinking about this, instead of being such a heart wreck.
maybe losing my handphone is a sign that i should really drop off everyone.

bye and goodnight.
bed. bath. eat. school. work. eat. bath. bed.

ctrl + z

Something special.. I hope.

:):

nonsense.

I'm feeling superbly silly sad now. ): I feel forgotten somehow.. All the stupid little promises made, I seriously feel like tearing it up into bits and shreds and just burn it away with fire. It's bugging me like some irritating mozzie bite. It's seriously a PAIN in the ass. Damn it. What for get so upset over the same issues over and over again, when people don't listen, over react and still think I'm that sensitive, no over sensitive. Is it me or is it them. Whatever. I'm grateful to my lovelies who even botherssss to come down to Marina Square just to see me for that few minutes, accompanied me during the long and tiring hours just to talk to me, minusing the fact that my stupid buck tooth assistant manager stalking on them (extremely hilarious please!) or just to put a smile across MY FACE. That simple, that's all I really need to brighten up a gloomy day at work. Very nice infact to like spot your friends in a crowd of unknown faces! :) Especially after seeing different faces (the customers) every single darn minute, plus your ugly ba gei manager stalking your every move:X hahahaha, you just want to talk to someone you know. FYI, I can't even talk to my colleagues damn it. NEVERMIND. I love my toilet and break time very much. 'Cause it's the only time I can like sit in the store room munching my food and slurping my big gulp or slurpee. And SMS and make phone calls. I kinda lost contact with the world when I'm working.. Sigh.. Random.

Sigh... it's ok. They come and go...
Sometimes I wished they never come back.

Understand me, this HURTS.




gosh i'm aging. :(

time and money poooooor.

I'm so....... Z O N K E D O U T.
BLAHHH. Everything's really taking it's toll on me!
SCHOOL. WORK. BLAH.
I have no time even for myself now ):
I need money and time.
So much for being money AND time poor.
Every 4 days of my week is burnt up for work.
Every 4 days of my week is burnt up for lessons.
And every 2 days of my week is burnt up for projects.
Seemed like I'm left with ONE day?
NOPE. It's rushing late assignments at home and to PIG AWAY.
I DEPRIVE SLEEP SRLY.
And now, it's time for work again! GREAT.
Stupid TOTO, you changed shift just so you can go out with that bloody gf of yours!?
MY MORNING SHIFTTTTT )):
I ABHORE YOU. ):

BYE.
I hate to look back these days.......

Today was NAPFA and no work day. And I'm so fucking depressed.
Fucking 1 CENTIMETRE.
32 situps, stretched 38cm, 5 incline pull ups, 11.6s for shuttle run, clocked 16.43mins for 2.4km.. I passed all these.
BUT STILL, I FAILED THE OVERALL.
BECAUSE OF MY STANDING BROAD JUMP, THE FACT THATTTT I MISSED BY ONE FUCKING CM.
155CM and 156CM.
DOES IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE?! ):
I digress. Damn it.

I don't care, I'm NOT deluded by the fact that.
I AM FIT. LOL. :)

AFTER 5 stations and 2.4km run.
I lifted this HEAVY woman and walked down the isles lar. And I hurt my ass while trying to save hers! Piangggggs.
Love this photo to the maxxxxx :) Minus the tak glam-ness and greasy hair and face!

The girls who stayed through todayyy.






What's exercise without FAT FOOD after everything.
100PLUS, TOLBERONE, ICE-CREAM AND AND AND.
KFC!!!
Still I'm not satisfied, 'cause my meal kinda DOWNSIZE. ):

Okay, I'm really zonked out. And hungry again. Bed time for me.
Finally I can lay my head to rest and forget about all the nonsense and disgusting ppl. ):

Better off that way.

ARG. Pressure level's going up up up up! Back to those restless days where I could literally fall asleep anywhere. It's ironic that there's so little modules but yet so much work to do? And we just completed like a few individual assignments. There's still like 3 reports which are waiting for us to complete, and another reflection journal for APEL. ): Thank God I have such wonderful group mates seriously, I'm so afraid to be their downfall! I really hope to work as hard for all the coming projectsss! Sigh. This is so stressful. I realise how lousy I am when coming up problem solutions for a scenario. I hate project work!!! ): I'd be reallllly lost without these people's guidance! Thanks NINGNING, JUJU, Syaaaaa sis and JAASS. Ok random.

I'm starting to get worn out by work. SIGH. I think it's because when school and work comes together, you'd go haywire. How now? I don't know how long I'm going to take. I seriously don't want SIP to come so early now. HELLHELLHELL. Time is flying so fast, in a moment of time, year 3 is going to be gone. But I have made some plans after getting my stupid diploma. (: Some simple ones. Hope to be able to priortise them by then.

So much shit had been happening lately, and all I want to do now is to sleep through everything. I'm really sick and tired and I don't know how many times I must repeat this phrase. When that phase was over, another one comes and taunt me. It get's harder each day and I really just wna lay my head and rest after everything. Sigh.... Still.... I'm going strong now. Thanks hunny Su for all these years, I LOVE YOU TO PARTICLES, HUNS. You know it! Back to Sales Manual-ing! Work and party, tomorrow! Fingers crossed.


:)

I'm soooooo in love with this song.
"The perfect song while basking underneath the sun... (:"
Say by John Mayer
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put ‘em in quotations

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say
Say what you need to say

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as your eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Wide

Say what you need to say...

This song is still playing on repeat even when you're gone..
"you wiped my tears, got rid of my fears. why did you hv to go..?
don't tell me what to do, don't tell me what to say..
you're better off that way..
i'm better off alone anyway...."